Trump’s Billionaires Buy And Divide Up What Used To Be America.
Having established a firm foothold in the land that used to be known as America thanks to the re-nomination of Donald Trump as the Chief Despot……er…..President of the United States who, parading as a man of the people, gave most positions in his Cabinet to the wealthiest of the land so that they all can dismantle it from within. These icons of modern money matters lost no time in taking over a lot of its lands and assets.
A fist fight almost took place between Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerburg over who would get to be the top Land Baron of California; a state they both engaged in a political battle to be the Governor and owners of. After having Gavin Newsome arrested and exiled to Alcatraz which had been bought by President Trump to be used again as a prison for Democrats he didn’t like (which was most Democrats). The battle was stopped when they agreed that Zuckerberg could have the entire LA and San Francisco area and Musk would get the rest of the state.. Zuckerberg promptly gave eviction notices to everyone living in Palo Alto so that he could have the whole area to himself and put a giant, Trump-like fence to shield it from the rest of the Bay area.
Meanwhile Musk has forced all the farmlands under his ownership to be used for growing and procuring pot and psychedelic drugs, most for profit and some for his own use. When asked about the possible devastation of the food crop supply in the U.S. Musk returned “Who needs food when you have drugs?”
There was a mad scramble by the rest of the billionaires to grab the rest of the U.S. for themselves. Charles Kushner took Maine as his prize for being one of the Billionaire Bunch taking control of the country. He mentioned “It was the closest state to Europe where I like to vacation.” He also bought the town underneath where his sister lives who had testified against him in the trial that sent him to prison, evicting her from it thereby leaving her homeless.
Jared Issacman took Hawaii for himself stating that “It would be perfect for my private space company after I euthanize NASA by being its administrator. That will make it possible to make even more money with mine. Also the weather is better there.”
Vivek Ramaswamy grabbed Texas because “Its sheer size, its huge sprawling cities and its conservative nature reminds me of my Native India. I made sure I was first in line for it!” When asked what he would do with the massive state Ramaswamy said ”I will invite all of my countrymen over here so that we can ease the overcrowding in India! Then we will just overcrowd Texas!”
Frank Bisiganano, JP Morgan Chase executive extraordinaire, and CEO of Fiserv and First Data Corporation, was chosen by Donnie to lead the Social Security Administration.
“I am a good choice to lead the main governmental body for keeping our older people out of poverty. I mean, I know better than anybody that poorer, older people are just scraping by…..er … .well, of course President Trump knows all that better than me, doesn’t he, but I do come in a close second. I have seen a lot of poorer people struggling mightily and I feel it is my duty to make sure they get as little as possible to keep the system going so that I will always have a prestigious job that gets me into parties all over D.C!”
Linda McMahon, the new Education Secretary, and part owner of the WWF, took Louisiana, Mississippi and Alabama under her wings. When asked why she took the states with the lowest education standards she quipped, “Them boys and girls there might not be so good in the head stuff, but they can wrassle like nothin’ you ever seen before! And that makes them and me more money than a stupid high school degree ever would!”
Interestingly David Sachs, Trump’s pick for AI and Crypto currency did not choose to get any piece of the nation. When asked why he simply replied, “Oh, I just live in my head most of the time anyway!”
Scott Bessent, Trump’s pick for Treasury Secretary, is quoted: “Trump made the right decision in picking me for this duty as I made one of my first billions betting against the British pound in the 1990’s and another betting against the Japanese Yen in 2013. Let’s see how much I make against the American dollar in the next four years while I am running the whole show!!!!”
He grabbed Kentucky because that is where Fort Knox is. He is quoted as saying “If the economy goes bad under Trump then that baby is mine!”
Doug Bergman, chosen Interior Secretary and former Governor of North Dakota, took possession of all the National Parks in the US stating that “He loves the wild, open spaces. It is a shame they should be left like that when they could be raped for oil drilling, mineral extraction and fourth vacation homes for all the other billionaires in the U.S.” As to his own North Dakota where he had been Governor twice he commented “By wide open spaces I didn’t include North Dakota!” He is quoted as saying “I hope I never have to see that miserable place again! I want to raze it to the ground and make one big parking lot out of it!”
Mehmet Oz, the ‘poor man’ of the cronies with only $100 million to his name, was chosen to oversee Medicare and Medicaid services. For himself he acquired Arizona and New Mexico as a gift to another Donnie like despot- Recep Erdogan, the President of his family’s native Turkey. Erdogan, a mini-me Trump clone, is busy dragging Turkey back to the middle ages by slowly making it a totalitarian Muslim government which has the founder of modern Turkey- Attaturk, who specifically made a separation of religion and State there, rolling in his grave.
Mehmet says “I wanted to give something back to my native land and these two states remind me the most of it. Plus I think it would be cool to see all the women there wearing veils and being unquestionably obedient!”
Erdogan, like Trump, was accused of inciting trouble in his country before he became President. Unlike Trump, Recep actually went to prison for it.
Trump, for his part, made the entire state of Florida his baby and had DeSantis, the Governor, taken out to Key West and publicly executed for insubordination.
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Here are all the richy rich people making up Fuhrer Trump’s cronies and how much dough they have courtesy of Wikipedia:
Leandro Rizzuto Jr., Ambassador to the Organization of American States: $3.5 billion
Warren Stephens, Ambassador to the United Kingdom: $3.4 billion
Linda McMahon, Education Secretary: Up to $3 billion
Howard Lutnick, Commerce Secretary: $2.2 billion
Charles Kushner, Ambassador to France: $1.8 billion
Jared Isaacman, NASA Administrator: $1.8 billion
Thomas Barrack Jr., Ambassador to Turkey: $1 billion
Steven Witkoff, Special Envoy to the Middle East: $1 billion
Frank Bisiganano, Social Security Administration Commissioner: $1 billion
Scott Bessent, Treasury Secretary: Reported billionaire
Vivek Ramaswamy, Department of Government Efficiency co-head: $1 billion
The Lesser Millionaires:
David Sacks, AI andDoug Burgum, Interior Secretary: $100 million
Crypto Czar: Net worth unknown
Kelly Loeffler, Administrator of Small Business Administration: $800 million
Mehmet Oz, Administrator of the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services: $100 million
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