For too long people have turned up their noses at farters, even putting distance between themselves and the sonorous tooters. Unfeeling oafs have even given farters names reeking of distain, such as Farty Barty, Stinky Blinky, Mel the Smell, Jean the Bean, Bart the Fart,and so on.
Well such a world view stinks. And its short sighted. Now take a deep breath, relax, and savor the powerful benefits of the rectal blast.
Yes, it’s time to tap the Amazing Healing Properties of Farts.
1) Farting is good for you as it expels toxins.
2) Farting is good for you as your toxic-laden toots gets your nemesis off your ass for a while.
3) Farting is good for you as it helps you lose weight. After all, even the humble fart has mass.
4) Farting is good for you as it releases pressure building in your intestines. Do you really want to be in a crowded theater only to cry out, “Ow, ow, ow, I feel such pain in my abdomen. Such, such pain. If only I could release the pressure with a powerful fart.”
5) Farting is good for you if you’ve fallen face down on super smooth ice. As every action yields an opposite and equal reaction, a goodly barrage of farts will propel you to edge of your frozen lake.
6) Farting is good for you. People who can fart “The Stripper” can always find jobs in gentlemen’s clubs.
7) Farting is good for you. The CIA always searches for people to fart coded messages.
8) Farting is good for you. A vigorous fart bombardment will get you to the head of the line in no time.
9) Farting is good for you. If you’re too shy to say “no,” the non-verbal fart will always convey your response.
10) Farting is good for you. Enough counter farts will repel a tornado.
11) Farting is good for you. Your farts can mask a worse odor.
Well, those are all the benefits that come to nose. Please any other properties you’ve sniffed out.
Check out my novel, the hilarious apocalyptic thriller, Do Lutheran Hunks Eat Mushrooms?
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